*bleep* vs no *bleep*

since when can tv characters say "dick" on cable? i don't mean "my name is dick". i mean "this homeless guy showed me his dick today". this was said at 9pm which isn't late night and technically children can still be awake. although this was said on cable and i swear myself, it still surprised me.

and why is nigger/nigga (whatever the hell you want to call it because it's the same thing to me) acceptable?!

and if all of this is okay, then why was "shit" given the *bleep* and/or voiceover to be "shtuff"?

explanation, please.

FAT

I gained 4 lbs in the past 3 days. I think it's just "water weight" considering that I gorged myself on cookies, cakes, chocolates, ice cream (notice that none of this is real food), and all other types of delights that call for a pound of sugar. sooooooo for the next two days it's water water water diet coke water water water water protein bar water water diet dr pepper water water water 94% fat free popcorn water water water. after two days i'll semi gorge myself in NY and then it's back to strict strict healthy food.

4 lbs.... that's how much my dog weighs. i gained a dog.

You didn't celebrate Christmas??? What does that mean?...

After people find out that technically my family doesn't celebrate christmas in the traditional sense, i always get "the look". you know - the look you give someone when they say something that is completely foreign, something that just doesn't register as sane to you. then i tell them that i grew up in a jehovah's witness household and the look turns into a look of pity that is attempting to mask itself with understanding. yeah right. i know people don't understand but that's okay. personally i think it's made me a better person around this insane time of year. i'm not a jehovah's witness now and we did sort of have christmas when i was little ((because my mom didn't want us to feel like outcasts AND my grandmother (dad's mama, not mama's mama) would have murdered my mother had her grandchilden not had christmas)) but i still think that no one really appreciates christmas. there isn't another time of year besides christmas where people are in a more foul mood. i just don't understand it. although i may not have had a christmas tree and thousands of presents that i would play with for a week and then forget out, i always appreciated this time of year because i knew that my entire family would be together. to me, that's what is's about.

so don't buy me a thing for christmas -just give me a hug.

who are you autumn?

this year has been an anomaly for pittsburgh. normally, our autumns last about 1 week, tops, and they're not really autumn - they're cold and wet and ugly and GraY. not pretty, colorful, and seasonally comfortable. at the beginning of october i thought "well, it's cold. i'm in pittsburgh. this sucks, but i should be used to it now". but wait! it's november and.... it's nice outside!! the leaves are beautiful! the air smells divine! it's fresh, cool, and so unlike the burgh. i love it.

on another note: there is never a time where pedophilia is funny - although the creators of "the family guy" seem to think so.

not funny.

ever.

period.

Pooooped

i'm burnt the hell out. school. work. school. work. school.work. it's been nonstop the past 3 years and i have 2 frickin semesters to go!!! when will this end?!?!?!?

i tell myself that this is for my own good (and that i don't have a choice) because just think - when i'm done with school all i've have to do is work (until grad school) and that'll be like a break for me. also, i'll be so used to being stressed out that i'll handle it better than the rest of the fresh out of college crowd that i'll be competing against. ha! i'll have one up on them.

slackers! watch out! i'm stressed out already and ready for anything, you can't beat me!

my cat drools

i'm sitting here watching my adorable kitty, alien, and pondering why he drools. i've never seen a cat drool before. alien drools like a 1 month old baby. while sitting on my lap, saliva runs out of his mouth, down his chin, and onto my leg and convenes into a small puddle of cat drool. he licks too - but only me!

my sweet innocent kitty in indeed weird, but oh so cute.

support... or lack thereof

Sometimes i feel that the one who should be there for me most won't be if a situation came along that wasn't convienent. think about it. are you really there for other people when they need you? i try to be, but i have to take a step back and think about it. all i want is the best for people around me. no matter what people do, if it'll make them happy and a better person then i will support them on it and do whatever i can to at least try my best to be there for them. suave's been there for me through everything, but if i really think about it, in terms of distance, we've never gone through a long period of time that we were apart. i remember when i first told him i was going to chile, he told me he would break up with me. at first i really considered not going because i didn't want to lose him, and then i realized "hey, this is something good for me. if he was going somewhere, i'd support him. why can't he do the same?". then he changed and now he'd be okay if i went away for a short period of time. but if i wanted to do something that i think would enhance me as a person and entailed me being away for a longer period of time (whether that period of time is 1 month, 6 months, or 2 years) i really don't think he'd be there. like i said, i just want what is best for the people i love. i'm not asking that he stops his life - i WANT him to go and do things and live his life. he NEEDS to do this, but why is it that he can't at least support me and say "you know what, if you feel like you need to do this, then you do it, i'll continue my life and better myself at the same time, and we'll at least try to make it work?" no. he has to say that we can't be together. maybe i'm wrong in thinking this. all i know is that yes, long distance relationships are very hard and once you've been with someone for so long it's hard to be apart from them, but if he told me today that he was moving back to NY for a great opportunity and to better himself i would be all for it because i know it's the best thing for him. i don't finish school for another year so that's a whole year apart, but would i say "no, sorry, can't do it!"? no. i think we've been together long enough and been through enough BULLSHIT that we could handle it, but maybe he thinks differently. if i'm wrong, i'm wrong. sue me.

Velha Infância

Você é assim

Um sonho pra mim

E quando eu não te vejo

Eu penso em você

Desde o amanhecer

Até quando eu me deito

***

Eu gosto de você

E gosto de ficar com você

Meu riso é tão feliz contigo

O meu melhor amigo é o meu amor

***

E a gente canta

E a gente dança

E a gente não se cansa

De ser criança

Da gente brincar

Da nossa velha infância

***

Seus olhos meu clarão

Me guiam dentro da escuridão

Seus pés me abrem o caminho

Eu sigo e nunca me sinto só

***

Você é assim,

Um sonho pra mim

Quero te encher de beijos

Eu penso em você

Desde o amanhecer

Até quando eu me deito

***

Eu gosto de você

E gosto de ficar com você

Meu riso é tão feliz contigo

O meu melhor amigo é o meu amor

***

E a gente canta

E a gente dança

E a gente não se cansa

De ser criança

Da gente brincar

Da nossa velha infância

***

Seus olhos meu clarão

Me guiam dentro da escuridão

Seus pés me abrem o caminho

Eu sigo e nunca me sinto só

***

Você é assim...

Um sonho pra mim...

"Without vision, the people will perish, and without courage and inspiration, dreams will die - the dream of freedom and peace."

~Rosa Parks 1988

NEVER stop dreaming. Please don't stop believing. Continue fighting. Don't let people tell you your words are meaningless.

We haven't made it yet.